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Pet Tales

   
 

Have a story about your pet or some pet humor?  Share it with us!  Email your pet tale to laurie@fixyourpet.org

Pictures are welcome and we reserve the right to edit all submissions.

"COURAGE"

A true dog-lover sent us this poem he wrote as a young boy, after losing his best friend. It touched us deeply and we wanted to share, with his permission, this testimony to true love. Every dog should be so blessed when his life draws to an end.

COURAGE

Slowly, now slowly, the small boy dug
Making a hole in the earthen rug

Surely, now surely, he made his way
Moving, now moving, into the light clay

Faster, now faster, the small boy dug
Carving his way through the earthen rug

Tiring, now tiring, on with his toil
Deeper, now deeper, into the dark soil

Weeping, now weeping, the small boy dug
Ending his task in the earthen rug

Kneeling, now kneeling, on the earthen bed
He lowered his face and softly said:

Tell me, Dear Lord, tell me so
If there's a Heaven where good friends go

For that's the place I want to send
My own beloved man's best friend

CLASSIFIED AD IN THE ATLANTA JOURNAL

The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received
numerous calls:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.  Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society
about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.


DOG LETTERS TO GOD

Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on Your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

  • I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
  • I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
  • The diaper pail is not a treat jar.
  • The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  • Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying
    'Hello.'
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  • I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
  • The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

_________________________________________

CAT HOUSE RULES

To All Humans Who Visit Our Home, Please Note the Following Commandments

1. The cats live here, you don't

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, simply stay off the furniture

3. Yes, cats have litter boxes that sometimes fill the air with a special aroma. And your point is?

4. It's their nature to show no appreciation. If you lack enough self esteem to deal with that then please don't whine

5. Yes, I do like them better than I like most people

6. To you they are cats. To me, they are children who are hairy, walk on all fours, claim whatever they want to as theirs, walk on the kitchen counter and only tolerate the dogs. I have no problem with any of these things

7. Cats are better than kids; they eat less, don't ask for money, are easier to train, never drive your car, talk back, use drugs, smoke or drink, don't care about the latest fashions or wear your clothes and don't need money for college - they know everything anyway

8. Some cats don't like to be touched by strangers. If you try it and they growl and hiss consider yourself fairly warned. If you insist on trying it again and they bite, whose fault is that?

9. Finally, don't bother explaining that you are just not a cat person. We didn't ask. While you are visiting their abode, it is best to pretend that you are.

 

DOG HOUSE RULES

To All Humans Who Visit Our Home, Please Note the Following Commandments

1. The dogs live here, you don't

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, simply stay off the furniture

3. Yes, dogs have some disgusting ways. So do you and so do I. What's your point?

4. OF COURSE they smell like dogs

5. It's their nature to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff back

6. Yes, I do like them better than I like most people

7. To you they are dogs. To me, they are children who are hairy, walk on all fours, don't always speak my language and tolerate eating on the floor. I have no problem with any of these things

8. Dogs are better than kids; they eat less, don't ask for money, are easier to train, come when called (most of the time), never drive your car, don't talk back, don't use drugs, smoke or drink, don't care about the latest fashions or wear your clothes, and they don't need money for college - just, in some cases, obedience school.

9. If their barking annoys you, go home. They are dogs - dogs bark

10. Some dogs don't like to be touched by strangers. If you try it and they growl, consider yourself fairly warned. If you insist on trying it again and they bite, whose fault is that?

11. Finally, don't call them "dumb dogs". They are far more intelligent, fair-minded, tolerant, loving, forgiving and loyal than most of the humans I have known.


 

  For more information, contact The Southern Alliance for Animal Welfare (SAAW) at 226-6576.  
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